The Day I Gave Our Maliko Run the Bird
photo Jeremy Riggs
Today was a day where when I write this, as much as I am thankful for one of the best downwind runs in the world; I hope you see the humor in my post. We’ve had unusual no wind summer days when normally the cool trades blanket and grace the north shore; leaving us no choice but to paddle without the thrills of long glides and a cool breeze at our back. Yes, boo hoo for us we are in Maui.
(I am taking a serious break just today; from finishing the final edits of my book to spend the time to write this as I think in some profound sense it will help me as a form of Maliko therapy. This is way more fun and much needed. SC)
With the crossings coming up we have to suck it up and suck some wind and train with what we have. Kihei, as Dave Kalama says; it’s a “cheater downwinder” and I agree because it’s pretty easy. Earlier today I would have rather been there.
What’s been so funny as of late, is when the crew is on Kelly’s shuttle; look out the windows of the van and freak out when they don’t see white caps that normally feather near Hookipa. I mean you should hear the grumbles and jokes of who will be the slowest.
All in good cheer and snide remarks to each other we put in and grind. So today like many other no wind days lately with the usual jovial crew in the van, we round the corner at Mama’s Fish House. The grumbles begin and the ribbing and the half hearted but serious comments, “oh no..” Some doing doubles. I took the day off work to grind, go figure?
As we all entered the mouth of the gulch the usual suspects blasted ahead. First Kathy, Shep, Pugs, Gregg, Jeremy and Peggy in the one man, gone and the mighty Siri, gone. I don’t know what happened to me today but it was just me and big blue.
I felt like someone tied my arms behind my back and just held my board still. Maybe a whitecap “way on the outside”. I thought oh my God another windless paddle I’m gonna overheat and have a horrible ciguatera episode.
Then the war in my mind began with myself. The mind war for 10 miles was a brutal one and this time this trainer who is often the one giving advice, on how to deal with pain and competition; was thinking of ways to paddle back to the gulch and hit the reset button, or just sit and float and pout.
With the run of slow times and disappointing results time and time again, I thought what the ?$^* am I doing training for a crossing?
The demons appeared as I stared into the; as my client Wayne Robson calls it, “tidy bowl blue” of deepness and nothing. It’s usually frothy and foaming of white ripples and breaking wind swells. I’m usually in serious bump hunter mode plotting and scheming for the longest glide possible; feeling so strong and explosive. But my arms felt like bricks. My spirit was as heavy as war ship loaded with ammunition ready to implode.
As I tootled along and gave into the thoughts of nothing and no wind I started to “see” things in the water. I would see a flash of a white streak, and then a grey streak. I was staring as if I was seeing things that might hurt me like sharks. I thought of the movie JAWS when the shark comes up from the bottom and blows the boat up in the air.
My peeps were no where in sight. Somehow I let myself fall way behind. Nothing like the last paddle a few days before. I had my phone and whistle but that would do me no good. I felt a little lonely and a form of what felt like a little tear filled my left eye. My chest got heavy and tight and my breath shorter than normal.
Approaching the airport tower near Camp One there was hope. A little lift of a swell near Spartans reef that was such a welcomed, different movement one like I thought I felt for the first time in my life; pushed me along at least 30 yards. Yes! I cracked a half smile and like a drug, I wanted more. I NEEDED more to end the bloody war in my mind. I was starting to feel like I had the right cannon to shoot me across the water to gain as much “distance” as possible. I just had to light the fire. I used to be the fire.
I connected a few more bumps and could feel a heavier breeze on the right side of my face. Then I thought, are you kidding me? North? Jesus. Here we go, now it’s onshore? Crap.
Out of nowhere another tear appeared to well up but now in both eyes and I could feel it trickle down my face. I pretended it was sweat. What the hell is happening to me? “I’m tough…I don’t do this”, I said firmly to myself.
I was filled with self doubt and the blue water turned very grey as a big cloud covered my next mile towards the harbor. I thought to myself, “great, now I can’t see the sharks when they come.” Oh well I’ll just be surprised. Whatever it is Shark Week on tv this week.
I felt like I was paddling and going nowhere. The tide must have been changing as the current was a bit stronger towards Pier One. Pushing back and steering right, slow and slower still. “You call yourself a racer?” I said to myself. “Ya right you balling whimp.”
I loaded the cannon again and lit that fire as I saw a huge swell forming and a trough to be my saving grace in. Digging in and stepping forward then back, I got it! Then the water turned to butter. No ripple, no nothing but sloppy backward and sideways chop. I don’t know what came over me but I just stopped. I mean I completely stopped paddling, doing anything for like what felt like ten minutes. I floated and stared at the mouth of the harbor waiting I guess for something but I didn’t know what.
Then out of complete character, and if you know me you would think the same; I turned around for the first time on this Maliko run and gave it the bird and held my hand up high as if to say you mother &@#$, you won!
As I turned the corner into the harbor, dodging the big rocks and jetty to my left I puttered across the harbor with no emotion but defeat and head down. I thought to myself, you jerk you just told a dear friend only yesterday who was also getting a little discouraged with slower times and training her brains out; to take a rest from training and not be so hard on yourself. Now I have a meltdown and pitty-party in the middle of the ocean?!
Who does that??
I learned a lot about myself today. I was put in the situation to be taught a lesson and to take a dose of the advice I often give to my friends and clients. I guess I just needed to feel it again so I could be a better trainer and a better friend and hopefully, ultimately a better paddler.
It looks like the trades are returning in the afternoon, so my dear friends who did the double run today, I hope you had wind!
photo Tracy Leboe
Maliko I love you with all my heart. Mahalo for the gift of humility you gave me today. I respect you even more and I’m sure you will have many more lessons to come.
Fonldy, with love, Suzie Cooney.
Air 11c with water temp 12c in melbourne aus at the moment suzie. But come saturday we will be in maui, looking forward to the famous Maliko. Thanks for reminding me of the respect we need to have for the ocean. The holiday spirit can easily overlook this. Aloha, Helmy
Aloha Helmy and thank you for writing. Yes great days on Maliko await you and it’s always good to be aware that ocean is there to teach us and allows us to grow. Have fun while you are here. We have a tropical storm arriving maybe Saturday to make sure your flight is not delayed. Be safe and maybe see you on Maliko! Suzie Cooney
What an amazing story. Isn’t it the best to learn the hard lessons with sports?!I’m looking forward to your book.
Mahalo Kim for writing. I’m still learning everyday. That particular day was RUFF. I got back out and gave hell two days later. Still a very slow, hot Maliko paddle. Yes, please stay tune for book. Make sure you’re on my secure and private newsletter list. You can sign up for release date notification and more! Aloha, Suzie Cooney
Great story Suzie! You are a tough cookie! It takes a lot of courage to do that run solo and with no wind to boot. As you know, Iv’e cried many times on that run and was lucky to have you by my side.
Your stories are very inspirational my friend!
Thanks Monie, I know it was one of those days but maybe long over due to appreciate all the “great” Maliko Runs we’ve had in the past. It’s amazing the power of the mind and how the little things can become their own monsters.
I so appreciate you taking the time to write my best friend. Miss you heaps and as the days are still windless here on Maui we are all wondering if the Slow is the new Fast? Much Love, SUzie
SSuzie I think you need some rest. Mother Nature will do as she pleases. Too much planning creates too much expectation. You have to remember to live in the moment at times because a lot of times the outcome is NOT what you had planned. I hope this bit of advise helps reduce some of the frustration you feel at times.
Hugs,
Why Aloha Gary. It is so nice to hear from a water and life warrior like yourself. You are so right that Mother Nature teaches us and will do whatever her mood suits her. I love your advice here and will have you on my shoulder tomorrow on my next Maliko run. You are such a jewel and I remember when we met in Oakland during that horrible thunder storm about 4 years ago now. What a great chance in meeting you. Keep on sweep’n and sharing your contagious smile. Mahalo, Suzie Cooney
Aloha dear friend and coach Suzie,
We all have those days where we feel down and out, and in many parts of our daily lives. The fact is that you keep on keeping-on, and when days or hours like that are over, you learn that it’s simply not the end of the world, and tomorrow holds promise for us all. Just consider our past history. There are always ups and downs. Tomorrow will be an exciting Up for you, no DOUBT about it. As the song goes there’s always Sunshine after rain. No shame in having a bad day. Please remember what we addicted windsurfers say. A bad day windsurfing is better than a good day in the office. Cheer-up and look forward to tomorrow’s rides with excitement. You have always been a huge role model and inspiration to me. Best Aloha Always, Mike 🙂
Aloha back to you dear friend Mike!
Why thank you and I know you can understand and appreciate what it’s like on those days out there even while windsurfing. I’d love for you in all of your musical talent; to write a song one day and we can play together on our guitars! I’m always cheery when I have friends and clients like you. We’ve been down the road a long distance together, every rep, every sheet in of the sail and every smile and laugh.. Mahalo Mike and let’s get you back in the studio soon. Best to you as well. I’m very thankful for our friendship. Suzie Cooney
Suzie, nice to hear someone sharing an honest story, and one many may have kept to themselves. If anything I think we all need moments like these to remind us who we are, and those of us who can admit to having these moments ultimately become stronger mentally in doing so. As a relative newcomer to paddleboarding I know I have had and still have moments when I think shit what am I doing out here and scared myself, and thats only probably about a mile offshore nothing like what you do being properly out in the ocean. I have great respect for what you do, not sure I could do it myself, keep on paddling. Aloha from the UK.
Aloha Rob,
Thank you so much for taking the time to write. Yes, sometimes it’s good to let our armor down for others to see that it’s okay to express our weakness so others can learn. I went back out a few days after to face those demons and that I did. Ironically, a huge rain squall came in that turned the waters black and I could not see where the coast was or where I was going, but this time my head was straight. I had a decent run that time. It’s like golf, you get one good shot to the pin and make it in the hole so all the bad drives and fairway shots don’t matter.
I’m headed out now for another 10 miles, same course Maliko to Kahului harbor, but today we finally have our “normal” trades so hopefully much faster times and big big wind swells to catch monster glides. Please drop a line anytime. Love hearing from you! Mahalo, Suzie Cooney
Good story Suzie! I had the same feeling a day before. Every day the Maliko was just not delivering, and it was becoming a summer of no-fun downwind runs. I was outside Kanaha, and I was tired and frustrated so I just stopped paddling and sat down on my board. I was just tired of the no bump runs.. After about 10 minutes up paddles a prone paddler, and that was enough motivation to get me up and paddling again! Aloha and keep up the great work.
Aloha Ralf,
So nice of you to write and share your similar adventure. Yes a string of slow runs is not what we’re used to and I just can’t imagine you going through that, but thank you for showing this side. I’m sorry that happened to you but kind of makes me feel not so alone in those experiences. Nice that a prone paddler inspired you to go again. Sometimes that’s all we need. Today was a gift for sure. Glad you were able to go today. Thanks for inspiring me the way you do and so many others that can’t catch you! We’ll just keep sweep’n and keep’n a smile on our faces. Suzie Cooney